Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I knew the name because of the commercials, and because the day we got Ryan's diagnosis my sister called me, and not knowing what else to say she blurted out that name and said: "look into going there because they are supposed to be the best." That phrase doesn't even come close....these people, this hospital, they are amazing. I am struggling to find words to fully explain how incredible this place is. So I'll recap our getting here first, and then maybe if I can explain the whole experience so far I can give a glimpse of how truly amazing CTCA is.

Walking into the airport was SO exciting!!!! It's been decades since I've flown, and Ryan and I have never gone anywhere together like that, so I just pretended it was a vacation trip and completely enjoyed it. We wandered around looking at everything, we managed to hold up the checkpoint security a little bit, I took pictures of everything like a proper tourist, took lots of motion sickness stuff and downed a large coffee to counteract the sedative effects before we boarded the plane. It was TINY. Ryan kept trying to point out to me how little it was and I refused to talk about it. I am actually very very good at living in my own little world of happy thoughts and butterflies, better than I thought, so in MY mind it was a great big jet of a plane. :)

Take off was...unpleasant, but not awful. The flight was fine---being ABOVE the clouds is definitely an experience--lots of pictures which I think actually all look the same but I promise they are of different clouds! We got soda on the flight, which I wasn't expecting and was pretty excited about!!! Landing was another story entirely. I don't fly well, I have never liked it...now I realize it's honestly the landing that I hate. Ryan was in my face the entire time with his phone taking pictures of my terror, and when he realized he had a good one he turned it into the wallpaper on his phone AND immediately started sending it to everyone he could think of. He is still randomly pulling his phone out of his pocket and cracking himself up. He's also shown it to pretty much every person we've talked to here so far. It's ok...I have no shame when it makes him laugh like that! :))

The airport at O'Hare was a lot different than the one at Akron. We wandered for at least 20 minutes before we found our baggage claim area. But once we did we also saw the driver from CTCA, and he walked us out to the limo. I got a picture!!! It was really nice--I've never been in one before!!! They had snacks and drinks for us, and another patient whose flight came in at the same time rode to the hotel with us. It was about a 40minute drive, and we talked to her and our driver the whole way. That was our first real experience with CTCA, and starting right there it was amazing! A few things the driver said really struck me---first he said that everything changes for us now. His exact words were: "Whatever your used to with your doctors back home, you leave it there. Here is totally different. If you have a question for the doctor you call your nurse and she won't call you back later or the next day, she will call him right then while you are on the phone and get the answer for you." Now that alone blew me away!!!! In talking with the other patient it came up about the rarity of Ryan's cancer. The driver said: "Just forget that word rare. It might be rare back in Ohio, but here at CTCA they deal with it every day, and they are advancing in treatment faster than your cancer is advancing in you." Such optimism, such HOPE---what a blessing to encounter two such encouraging people right from the start!!!

Checking into the hotel, it's gorgeous! It's a Country Inn and Suites, the room is a suite which we did not expect. The hotel has a pool and hot tub spa thingie and a fitness room and a small library and a small gift shop and a beautiful sitting room area with a fireplace in the lobby. The bed is so comfortable, the pillows are even comfy!!! I couldn't possibly want anything more!!!! I feel guilty honestly--this is just such a nice nice place, I feel like it's not really fair that we get to stay here. I guess I was expecting something totally less is all.... It's just one more thing that shows how amazing CTCA is, how well they want to take care of their patients and caregivers.

Which brings me to the hospital itself. It's huge. They offer a tour daily which Ryan and I decided we could do without, figuring we could find everything on our own. We wandered around for about an hour after dinner last night and somehow managed to find the storage area, the back entrance into the kitchen of the cafeteria, and a side exit door from the building, but only two of the places we were actually looking for! I was waiting for someone to yell "Stop! You can't be in here!" but everyone just smiles and says hello like they see patients in the kitchen all the time! :))

In the morning yesterday we got the shuttle from the hotel to the hospital and went through the registration process. We both have these little badges to wear with our name and where we're from on them, and Ryan's says he's a patient and mine says I'm a caregiver. One thing we learned right from the start is that they as focused on the caregiver as the patient here. They believe I can only be all that Ryan needs me to be if I am also taken care of. Again the guilt....he is the one going through this, I feel like everyone should be 110% focused on him. That's what is so amazing though...they are, and yet they still manage to reach out and take care of me, too!

Everything Ryan is offered here is also offered to the caregiver, including meals. We both get breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the hospital cafeteria for free if we stay under the budget they set, which is $5 for breakfast, and $7 for lunch and dinner. Anything we go over that is all we have to pay. I told Ryan yesterday it's like going on a dinner date! We get the shuttle from the hotel to the hospital and then go to the cafeteria and get our meal and sit in the dining room which has fresh flowers on every single table! He said the fact that I'm a cheap date means we can go out to eat as much as I want to while we're here! :))

So back to yesterday's appointments. We registered, met with the financial assistant person, then we met with his nurse navigator. After her we met with a regular nurse for his health assessment. Then we met with the doctor, and he confirmed all the details he had and then did a physical exam. He had not looked at the surgeons report yet, and needs to see a scan to be able to finish this initial discovery process, so no new answers came of that visit. But he did order blood work and an EKG, and a CT scan. Right after he left a nurse came directly into his office with a little cart and did the EKG, and as she left another nurse came in with another cart to do the blood work. No moving around for us, they all came to where we were, which again is not what I'm used to from doctors offices! We spent some time in the waiting room after that waiting for our schedule for today and to see if the CT scan could be done that afternoon. Eventually the waiting room assistant told us to go to lunch and come back in an hour--which we did, and as soon as we were back a scheduler person came out and took us back to go over everything for today. She said they were waiting for our insurance company to give approval for the CT scan, so it would not get scheduled for that afternoon, but for Thursday instead. After that we were done for the day, and it was only like 1:30!!!

Mid afternoon....nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, no children needing anything...we were totally lost on what to do, lol!! We ended up going on a tour of the Victorian house turned museum that once belonged to the person who founded and built the town of Zion. That sort of history is the butter on my bread, so I loved it! Then we walked around the town a little bit, and eventually took a shuttle to Walmart. No vacation is complete without a trip to Walmart, right? We bought swim stuff because we hadn't packed any, and then went back to the hotel. I called all my little loves and their amazing caregivers, and Ryan took a nap. Then we went back to the hospital for dinner and our behind-the-scenes-self-guided-tour. :) Then back to the hotel, Ryan called our oldest three loves, and down to the pool and hot tub spa thingie. Only lasted about 1/2 an hour before I was ready to fall asleep in a lounge chair. Came back to room and Ryan watched tv while I thought about updating blog and fell asleep in the thought process.

I think I'm forgetting to explain the kindness here. In everyone. Literally thousands of employees, there has to be--and every single one of them is so friendly, so kind--it's just unreal! Definitely not in Kansas anymore, lol! Everyone we personally interacted with yesterday felt like an old friend--they just talk to you about everything like they've known you forever! We met a few people who had us laughing so much my cheeks hurt! The patients here are so open too--they will talk to you about their condition and ask about yours and share their experiences here and encourage you...it's incredible. Seeing their faces...so many faces, all fighting their own battle, all in different stages and capacities....its humbling to say the least. Very very humbling. And I hope with all my heart that I never ever forget this feeling.

It's obviously a different vantage point for Ryan. I'm seeing and hearing hope everywhere. He is seeing and hearing what might happen to him down the road. At one point on the shuttle I had my arm around him and was sort of rubbing the back of his head and he said "better rub it now while there's still hair there to feel." There is most definitely a lot of  baldness here, but the thing is, I finally get that saying "bald is beautiful". You don't see the lack of hair when you look at these warriors...you see strength and grace and the most beautiful souls---and they are beautiful!!!

I've come to the realization that that kind of person, that kind of strength and beauty, only comes into existence through force. I'm not sure how to explain this.... think of a sword, how they were made in ancient times, at the blacksmiths shop. Steel melted and molded and frozen and heated and pounded and beat into something so fine, so beautiful, so bright and shiny...an instrument of strength and bravery and the will to fight with the understanding that you had to go hand to hand in your battle and you might not walk away, but you would not fall without striking back. These people here are like that. They were just people before, living ordinary lives, just like you, just like yours!!! Exactly like yours!!!! Then they found themselves in this experience of cancer, and everything that comes with it has done and is doing to them them the same forceful molding that a blacksmith would do to the steel of a sword. And the result is the same...the final product is beauty, brightness, strength, courage, the willingness to go hand to hand in a battle that has absolutely no assurance of a good outcome. As I said before, it's humbling... it's....I just can't explain it....but it is my absolute highest honor in my life to meet them, to be in a very small way a part of this elect group of warriors. Because that is what they are. And if you could be here, if you could see what I see, you would feel that too the bottom of your heart.

Ok--time to get ready to head out for today. We've got a lot going on today: meeting with the nurse navigator, then the nutritionist, then the naturopathic doctor, then the mind/body therapist, then the pastoral care team, and somewhere in there Ryan is getting acupuncture to help with his stopping smoking, and he is getting his CT scan. We're going to have an amazing day---and I hope hope hope that everyone else does too!!!! <3