The Farmer And The Office Manager :)

It is official now that Ryan, my love, is not going back to work. The exact wording on his paperwork from Dr. Neelam reads: "Diagnosis: Metastatic GIST; No release to return to work; Ryan is unable to work due to the progressive disease process of metastatic GIST tumor, ongoing treatment needs, side effects, and immunosuppression."  It doesn't matter that we already know all of this. Every single time it comes to us in an "official" voice it still knocks the wind out of me a little bit...

But, this will be a good thing. I'm still standing strong (or maybe bullheaded) in the understanding that there is something greater to all of this than just our experience. I am determined to find the blessing in each day and each new development. I will find it, or I will strangle it out of each day one by one. I'm not picky about how I come across them.

So, with the official news of Ryan's sudden "retirement", I find it very fitting to share the blessing of my new job! I quit working 2 days before Jaeden, our second dear child, was born. She is about to turn 11, so it's been a looooong time. I did go to college pre-children but did not finish, so I obviously have lack of  both current work history and degree working against me. What I have working for me is God's provision--and that is all I ever needed apparently! I have been hired as an office manager in a growing company who is just starting to come into needing such a person. Because the need is brand new and not full grown yet, I am able to grow into it. They didn't need someone who already knew how to do everything, they just needed someone to join the team and grow with them, gaining skill as the business grows in need for that skill. It's very very part time right now, but I am able to work both from home and in office. The staff is amazing, the atmosphere is both brilliant and relaxed, I feel so crazy accomplished I was dancing in my chair yesterday when I completed a new task--and that was totally ok, lol! I have dreaded for years returning to work.... and there was never any reason to! God had this in the plan all along!!! I won't bore you with all the tales of how I've unknowingly been preparing for this career over the past 11 years. But it all lines up, one step after another, and I am so thankful for this opportunity, for a job that feels like such an amazing gift!!!

I don't know any more this morning what lays ahead of us than I have any other morning since (stupid) cancer reared it's ugly head. But I'm not afraid. I am focused on the blessings, and thankful for this life we are living today. I feel like Ryan and I both are growing into someone we were always meant to be through this experience...he is going to "farm" to his hearts content the rest of his days and I am overjoyed for him to have that opportunity!!!! And it turns out that I am "braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think" after all. <3