Friday, June 1st, Ryan started his chemo again--same dose as previously, 400mg daily. Dr. Neelam said his body might accept it more readily this time since it's a re-introduction. Other than the nausea and feeling wiped out most of the time, so far so good! We have two different meds to help with the nausea, and there just isn't much to be done about the fatigue. He does what he can until he can't be on his feet anymore, then he rests for a little while, and then he's up and on the move till he can't again.
It's hard for me to see him so worn down all the time. He has always seemed to be part machine--honestly never in my life known any human being with as much go-go-go in them as he has always had. Before all of this cancer crap he worked long hours and hard days doing everything from building our house nail by nail to driving triples all night long on the turnpike. He did it without complaint because in his mind that is just how you live your life. You work hard, you don't waste time complaining, and anything that you are capable of doing you do--you don't wait for someone else to help or to do it for you. None of that has changed in his mind at all, but his body is not as cooperative as it used to be. I see him sitting down sometimes just shaking his head at himself, the irritation written all over his face, like his body is betraying him and he's not so much worried as just ticked off about it. It's very very hard for me to see the physical difference in him from just 2 months ago. Nothing in his life has ever knocked him flat before... he's too bull headed and marine tough, lol! This is just another adjustment he has to make--and he has completely embraced every change demanded of him so far, so I know he will find a way to be ok with these new limitations in time. In case I've never said, my husband is my hero.
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