Ryan and I waited for the delivery truck yesterday about as patiently as a kid waiting to open birthday presents. I thought at first it was just me that was anxious--but then he came into the kitchen and turned the radio off because I "might not hear the UPS guy when he gets here!" He was trying to work in the veggie garden a little bit, and that's around back of the house, so every time the dogs took off chasing a butterfly he went chasing after them to see if they were barking at the delivery truck. When he got tired of that he just started yelling to me: "I think I hear someone! Go see if some one's here!!" In the end, right around lunch time, Isaac came running into the kitchen yelling: "DRIVING TRUCKS HERE!!!! Come SEE!!!" :)  So Ryan and I raced each other to the door, I won and got to sign for the package, and then he grabbed it from me and ran off to open it--and for the record it's no fair grabbing stuff out of my hands while I'm tripping over a kiddo!!! It was so carefully packaged, a Styrofoam cooler inside of a shipping box with ice packs and bubble wrap packed around the bag of bottles:

 Ryan was slightly less than thrilled with all my photo taking, but this was a big moment for us! Unfortunately, there were no sparks and no glow, and nope, no President Obama-though I liked that idea, Maggie! :)) No pizazz at all really...just three little bottles:

Ryan said "Really? You need pictures of the bottles?" I said: "BABE!!!! That's almost $30,000 there, sitting right on our dining room table!!!" Now honestly, looking at those bottles, is that not the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard of?! I feel like I'm going to gag every time I say how much this stuff costs. It's unreasonable. It's ludicrous. It's inhumane... If someone needs this drug, then not taking it is a death sentence, period. I thank God for the blessing of Ryan's job and insurance to help us so greatly to be able to afford it. However, it also has me thinking constantly about the many people who don't have that. It's my opinion that paying out of pocket for this medicine would be impossible, and I have no idea yet if there are any other means of getting it aside from insurance paying or someone purchasing it on their own. So that being said, how many have needed this, do need it, or will need it in the future, and will not be able to get it? From the doctor to the CEO of the pharmaceutical company to the brilliant soul who invented this chemotherapy, how can anyone know this drug is out there in the world but look at another human being and say "To bad, so sad, you can't have it."  It's just beyond my minds ability to grasp. It should be against the law to rob people of their lives, of their quality of life, just to line your own pockets. And obviously it is, but I mean that in reference to the whole business of making medicine so expensive. Ranting done for now. :)

In the end, for all the anxiety and anticipation surrounding Ryan's new medicine, it turned out to be really not all that impressive:

On the phone when they were scheduling delivery, Ryan had to have a consult with the pharmacist since it was the first time ever filling the script. She was very very explicit that no one other than Ryan himself should be permitted to touch the pills. While we are permanently past our baby-making days, she still explained that the handling of these pills by a pregnant woman does result in birth defects. Really can't express how great that makes me feel... by all means, Love Of My Life, place this poison in your mouth and swallow it down every day for the rest of your life. :(( 

I'm very grateful that there is a means of fighting back against this cancer. As recently as 10 years ago a person diagnosed with this had no options at all. I'm very thankful to those who have worked so diligently toward developing something that is effective against this. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that we have the incredible blessing of medical insurance to help with this life or death medicine. I don't want this post to come across as though I'm just full of complaints... there's just a lot of things about all of this that feel very unfair to me. Both for us personally, and for hundreds of people I might never know but whose heavy burden I feel and carry in my heart.